Unlike the book/movie title that I’m parodying, The House of Sand and Fog, my story, The House of Dirt and Fuzz, is not nearly as tragic. But it is just as messy. As I had mentioned in a recent post, a short time ago I’d moved from a cramped one bedroom apartment into comfortable sized home. Like any change in living situations, you have to get used to a different environment, and with it comes new daily routines and challenges.

For example: taking Leia, my Jack Russell Terrier, on her walks. Before, we had lived in a gated apartment complex that had perfectly manicured lawns. There was very little that ever stuck to Leia’s paws, so I would only have to dry them if they were wet from dew or the sprinklers.

The community we live in now is a non-deed restricted residential community. The lawns are shit, for the most part. There’s more dirt and weeds in most yards than grass, including my own yard, which was terribly neglected before I had moved in. Apparently the previous tenant had refused to water the lawn—despite the fact the sprinklers are run off of well water and wouldn’t have cost her more than a small amount of electricity—which all but killed the grass.

Since the lawns are so bad, it’s impossible for me to walk Leia in the morning without her paws getting wet from the morning dew and becoming magnets for dirt and bits of leaves and weeds. I don’t have much of a front porch, so I bring her inside and wipe her paws off in the foyer. I may have to revisit this logic and maybe build a dog wash station somewhere in the front yard, because every 2-3 days my foyer is completely filthy and needs to be swept. And if I don’t take my shoes off on the front porch, it’s even worse. And the amount that gets swept up is quite substantial. The photo posted is an example of a pile of dirt that accumulates after only 3 days.

Now that you know where the Dirt part of this blog’s title comes from, we’re moving on to the Fuzz…

I haven’t had new bath towels in years, and mine have been becoming a bit on the shabby side. Upon moving in this house, bath towels found their way to the top of my “needs” list. Since the master bathroom is fairly bright and white, I wanted a contrast so I bought brown towels (which I call chocolate.) They look great, but I had a hell of a time finding the right quality to do the job.

At first I bought what was supposed to be a high quality brand towel from…well I won’t name the department store, but let’s just say they’re the target of my complaint. I bought a couple sets and washed them well, and when I first used them to dry off, I was covered in chocolate fuzz. I mean it was everywhere!! In my hair, behind my ears, mangled in my armpit hair, and even stuck to the tip of my—well, you get the point. Sometimes I wouldn’t even catch it all in the morning and later that day I’d scratch an itch and come away with some of that damn fuzz.

Aside from sweeping the foyer every 2-3 days, I was also sweeping the bathroom floor every couple days because the chocolate fuzz covered everything. And being a dark color, my bathroom constantly looked dirty. And not just the tile floor, the friggin’ fuzz covered the baseboards, it lined the bathtub, it spread across the bathroom countertop. Every time I thought I had it all cleaned up, I’d find more of it somewhere else!

I figured this would end after a few turns in the washing machine. Unfortunately not only did the fuzz continue to be a nuisance, but also the seams of the towels began to fall apart and hang loose in long strands. They were complete garbage. I took the towels back and returned to my old shabby towels for the time being.

Eventually I went to a different store and picked up a towel set that was recommended by my mother. Again, I won’t name the store, but their products go beyond a bed and bath line. Once again, this recommended brand of chocolate towels (yes, I’m sticking with damn color already!) led to more frustrations, continued sweeping, and extra fuzzy testicles. Once again, after several washes with no reduction of fuzz, I returned the set and paid the extra money for a higher quality towel.

This time, on my third and final attempt at purchasing chocolate towels, I finally got lucky. I’m officially fuzz free. Now if I could only do something about these shitty lawns!